The Lifestyle CEO

Redefining Success: Embracing Authenticity and Community in Personal Growth

• Christina Gough & Dr Katie Stirling • Season 4 • Episode 8

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Today’s episode dives deep into the importance of defining success on your own terms, highlighting how personal happiness and societal expectations intertwine. It explores the chaos of life choices, the value of connections, and the continuous journey of self-discovery and redefining success.

• The subjective nature of success 
• Navigating societal expectations vs personal happiness 
• Importance of personal storytelling and authenticity 
• The role of judgement in shaping our ideas of success 
• Emphasising connection and community support 
• Strategies for regular self-check-ins 
• Ongoing transformation as an integral part of life 

Are you ready to create a life on your terms? 

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Website: www.lifestyleceo.co.uk
Instagram: @thelifestyleceo.podcast
Christina: @itschristinagough
Katie: @drkatiestarling
TikTok: @thelifestyleceo.podcast

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Lifestyle CEO, a community designed for women looking to take their life into their own hands and redefine what success looks like for them.

Speaker 2:

I'm Katie, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist. I'm passionate about connecting you with the tools you need to create the life and relationship you want.

Speaker 1:

And I'm Christina, a marketing and business expert who has built her life around giving herself and those around her the ability to choose what their lifestyle looks like for them Together.

Speaker 2:

we have created the podcast for women just like us who are looking to redefine what success looks like for them and enjoy a lifestyle that they love.

Speaker 1:

Good morning.

Speaker 2:

Hello, we're saying hello, but we've actually spent the morning together, which is kind of funny.

Speaker 1:

We're all false. Had a little uh photo shoot scenario this morning where I spilled my coffee everywhere yeah and then I proceeded to leave my laptop at the cafe katie always calls me the chaotic one, but today she fully embraced herself in the chaotic embrace the chaos.

Speaker 2:

It was, yeah, quite hilarious, except for for the laptop part, which was incredibly stressful, but we were fine we got it back. All good, we can relax now.

Speaker 1:

The good thing about living in Bali is that no? One's going to steal your stuff.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's so nice, isn't it?

Speaker 1:

I think that it's such a part of the culture here that honesty and that just helpfulness, just helpfulness, yeah, like grabbing it, putting it away, keeping it safe for you, yeah. And I think that kind of nicely brings us on to today's topic, where we're talking about like actually defining your own success and what that looks like. Because I think obviously, in the position that we're in, it's very easy for it to be assumed that, like you know, moving abroad, living this kind of nomadic lifestyle or whatever, giving that freedom, is like what everyone should be aspiring to, and actually that's not what we're here to talk about on the podcast. I think it's sorry. It's been like amazing for us and that was very critical for some life decisions we were making and where we're at in life, but actually we don't want to become another one of those social media channels which is giving people this assumption that that's what they should be aspiring to.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and I think we also want to talk a little bit about like being there for other people in their own journey, because I think we can all be a little bit quick to judge other people's experiences or not understand it, so we see it through our own lens of like this is what success means to for me, and then we might pass that assumption on to other people. Or the other thing that probably more commonly happens is we think that people are doing that. We think people are judging our idea of success.

Speaker 2:

So we have our own idea of success and then we feel like other people are judging that, so that actually stops us from taking the steps that we need to to create the life that we want, the lifestyle we want. And it is more than success that we're really talking about, because it's the life that we want, yeah, lifestyle. But we bring success into that because it's that societal idea of success and what that should look like, rather than what it is actually for you, what makes you happy and what you want.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think it's really interesting.

Speaker 1:

You know, I think the thing with people that choose to move abroad is they have actually taken quite a big step in life as in like they've stopped to think this isn't for me, like I know, and I was speaking to someone at the beach yesterday about this as well, and she had the exact same thing where it was like I just got to the point where I was like this can't be what my life is going to be, and I was literally looking around a house, um, to move into, and it was so overpriced and it was just like not that nice, and I was just like no way is this going to be it.

Speaker 1:

And I think you know it's either burnout, like in your case, or just this realization. So, in, and I think you know it's either burnout, like in your case, or just this realization. So in my mind, I think it takes something quite big for us to step back and be like is this what I actually want? Because we do go through the motions of like we go to school and then school pushes you to GCSEs, then A-level, then university, then you get a job, then you get married and it's like you almost don't have time to stop and think, and it tends to be when you get to a certain age or a certain stage of life where you're like, wow, was that even what I wanted to be doing?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, or for the next step, because I think that's the other thing you're highlighting is like that transition. So, whether that transition is like now I want to settle down and now I want to get engaged, get married. Now I want to have kids, now I want to buy a house, now I want to start a business.

Speaker 2:

Whatever it is, it's that transition to like the next stage in your life where you start a new thinking process of like what do I want this to look like? Or you may already be in it and you're sort of like this isn't working for me and I think, as you said, it can be those trigger points like around purchasing a house, or it might be that you've had a child and you've actually gone. There is no way. I want to go back to a nine to five career in the city or, you know, even having my own business.

Speaker 2:

I actually just want to be home with the kids now, and that is my new lifestyle that I'm seeking, that is the thing that I want, and so how do I create the life that supports?

Speaker 1:

that, yeah, and I think I guess with this podcast, like that's what we really wanted to get across is it's like it doesn't have to be this big thing that has to hit you or this sort of like judging thing. It's more like, actually we want to be that voice which says just keep thinking about what you're doing and like what you want and if, if your current lifestyle is really meeting those needs and, as we've said before, like it's going to change quite frequently, right, it's always going to be adapting You're always going to want, you know, even as your kids grow up. Maybe you want to be a stay-at-home mom for the first couple of years, but then you will get to the point where you think I want something for me again. Maybe I'm not saying that's the right thing, but you know, and different stages of their needs.

Speaker 2:

Like I know for me and Andy, like we constantly check in with each other and think about, like even just how we schedule our day, the hours that we work, like everything we kind of have to do a bit of a regroup on because the children's needs change. And so it's like actually now you know they really need us here in the afternoon, or the mornings are a really important transition for them right now. So, whatever it is, we're constantly kind of reassessing like what do we need?

Speaker 1:

And what do they need. And then how do we kind of work that together?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and that's incredible and I do think I mean, I know I wasn't taught this and I'm sure, obviously because of your background, this is very common knowledge to you. But actually a lot of people wouldn't even think again until maybe it gets to a crisis point in a relationship or you are really struggling. Then you go and seek therapy or you go and find some tools, and that's when it's like, oh okay, well, actually I just need to communicate my needs more or I really need to think, and it's just not common practice, it's not.

Speaker 2:

And it does take figuring out. Yeah, you named it a catch up. Where are we? We're Monday. Yeah, god is it Monday, it was last week, um, we did a coffee, I think I actually cause I just come from the gym anyway and you need something from me for work Um, and I was just said to Annie, let's just go to a coffee shop and let's just like we just need to do a check-in and because we're kind of a bit here and there, which country we're in at the moment, what's going on.

Speaker 2:

So so I was like we need to like, talk about, like having some structure for the kids um because they're not at school or on holidays, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:

So it's like how do we make that work for them, but also for us? And so one of the things that we looked at was like how do we want to feel in the morning, how do we want to feel during the day, how do we want to feel at night? And then like what are the kind of rituals and routines that we need to implement? To make that happen and bedtime is a big one for us because I don't know about you, but we get a bit lax on holidays.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God. Yeah, it's like timings. Yeah, oh my God.

Speaker 2:

My son's very like. He needs an early bedtime, no matter what? But Chloe's more adaptable with that, and so hers was stretching out because we had been traveling and I was like but it's actually this is about an us need that. We need that time in the evening, yeah so it's actually, you know she could, she could totally have night times, but really it doesn't make that big a difference to her, but it does to us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's so we need to change that and I think it is having those conversations and having those spaces, and maybe it's not with your partner, and that's okay too. Like maybe you need to have some of that conversation. That's not about the family stuff, that's about the you stuff with other people in your life. And I think one of the things that we were talking about is, as women, I think we can feel really judged by our peers or by other mums or by like what we should, by society, like what these ideas of success are. And I know we've had the conversation like sometimes I feel as a full-time working mom, like I kind of hate the drop-offs, yeah you told me about that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the pickups actually the drop-offs is kind of it happens at different times Pickups, everyone's waiting around and I feel like I don't know any of the mums I'm kind of like I don't know which kid belongs to which parent. And in Bali there's another layer, because there's also quite a few nannies picking up. So it's like there could be mum, dad, nanny a family member that's coming to serve.

Speaker 1:

It's a big chaotic at pickups. A family member that's coming to serve, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so hard, it's a big chaotic at pickups.

Speaker 2:

But you know, it is that thing of feeling like you're not as in touch with like what's happening in that time and space, because you're not there. And I think like we all feel that. So, whether we are the mum who's rushing in from work or rushing in from home or juggling another child on school pickup or whatever it is.

Speaker 2:

We all have this kind of feeling that, like the other person's, like yeah, we're doing something wrong and we're being judged for that which is not the case and I've loved that with our women's group that we have on Friday nights we get together with a bunch of women. Is that like you really start to build those connections and just reinforce? It's like you know that intellectually you know no sitting around like bitching about you they don't have the time to do that, but there's still this part of you that feels like it's your own guilt your own.

Speaker 1:

That is very true actually.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I like that reference to the women's group because I think we do sort of glide through life just thinking that everyone is watching our every move, and I don't know whether it's because, like, social media has heightened this like visibility, or if we're just all a bit self-obsessed and think that everyone else is obsessed with us, like I think there's stuff like that where we think, you know, if we have an inner guilt about something and presumably that means that there's something we need to work on, if we're feeling guilty about it, then it's kind of a trigger in for you, right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I think really no one is obviously thinking about you as much as we think. But with the women's group, like you said, it's so interesting talking to people about you know even why they've moved here or how their life is set up. Because in Bali especially, or I guess, in any expat community, the different lives is just so incredible and so inspiring. Because, again, again, I think if you live in the UK, we all are kind of programmed to live a very similar life to each other, so there's not really that variety, yeah, whereas here we're meeting people from all across Europe, from America, south America, from Australia, from everywhere, and everyone just has such different lives, which kind of just shows you that actually there's no formula that is one size fits all.

Speaker 2:

No, and I think what I love about those conversations is I do feel like there is a bit more of an openness in this space. I think that as women, we can really struggle to ask each other or talk more about yeah, yeah, like we hold back a little bit more when we first meet women, whereas I found, um, you know, one of the nice things with our group and is that, like everyone's, just very open like I think that's part of like we're creating a bit of a safe space, yeah, um, and we're very like comfortable with each other.

Speaker 2:

I think everyone's very comfortable with each other and it is just being open about like. I don I feel like straight away, we're really open about, like the challenges that we're facing in our lives, whether that be as a parent, whether that be around moving here, whether that be around culture, whether that be relationships whether it be around work, whatever it is like.

Speaker 2:

There's this openness, and I think women need more of those spaces where we, I'm going to say we don't feel judged, because I think this is the biggest thing I agree. Is. It's a feeling it's not necessarily a reality that people are judging us, but that's how we feel, and then that stops us from being able to open up and be ourselves Fully agree with that and be able to have those spaces when we can explore the challenges together and go oh yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

Maybe you don't have the exact same challenge as me, but you're going through your own stuff right now and here's, yeah, and I think I do think there's there is a lot to say. I guess, again, it maybe comes back to from school days where, you know, I mean in England especially, there is this sort of assumption that girls are really catty and it's very competitive, and you know, I mean it's not always the reality. I don't really think that was my reality, but there's definitely this just overarching perception that women don't support each other and it's very competitive and we're all sort of striving to be this perfect version of whatever we are and that's at the detriment to others, I guess, like something around that, but it's. But actually, like we said, if there's this space where you can all just really feel comfortable opening up to each other, you just kind of realize that actually nobody's feeling particularly confident in their choices or whatever, or everyone's got something that they're feeling a bit insecure about confident about it.

Speaker 2:

You're still figuring it out like life. No one's got it figured out happening to you yeah so it's still a process of like, yes, like I've made this decision to do this thing. Like, maybe it's still a process of like, yes, like I've made this decision to do this thing. Like maybe it's to open up a business, but there's still a rollercoaster in that whatever it is or parenting.

Speaker 1:

I mean parenting is an ongoing rollercoaster yeah, it changes every year, every day, basically.

Speaker 2:

But, like whatever it is, there's still, like you know, you can have confidence, but you can still face challenges and need to talk about those challenges.

Speaker 1:

So, whether it's a lack of confidence or whether it is just like, you need a safe space to kind of just like talk about stuff and figure it, out, and I think that's actually a really good point as well, because I think, like with this podcast, we're not trying to record episodes where we give you like action points after everything, because sometimes just having a conversation or hearing about someone else's experiences can sort of just give you a bit of relief, like we don't go to these women's groups on a Friday giving people action tips on the problems like.

Speaker 1:

We're not like a therapy session it's more like we all just feel really comfortable to be able to open up and chat about things that don't revolve around parenting necessarily, or don't revolve around being on a play date where your kids are the main focus, or it's not a business meeting. It is just a space for women to come together from whatever you know, whatever their situation is or whoever they are, and all just sort of you know. Co-meeting like collaborate I don't know what the word is, but like just connect, connect, connection.

Speaker 1:

Like it's all about just connecting with people and that feeling that gives you is enormous, yeah totally underrated, yeah, society and I just think having the connection and like whatever that looks like for you, being able to reach out to people and just kind of get the different experiences people are having as well, I think those conversations are so important, um, but yeah, and I think those conversations are so important, but yeah, and I think that kind of leads us into like therefore being able to define what success looks like on our terms and having like the confidence to make those decisions ourselves. Because, again, it's nobody really has the same definition of success. I don't think, if we really dig into it.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely not, Cause I think it's about you know, when we think about our day-to-day happiness like what brings us, joy is very different for each of us, so some of us the joy may be in cooking a really nice meal for our family.

Speaker 2:

For others it may be going to the gym, it might be working on a project, it might be spending time with friends and of course, for all of us that changes in different moments, in different day to day, month to month, week to week, whatever it may be. But it is about really figuring it out for yourself and I think when we're talking about this space is, you know, and what we want for each other really is, it's not about being the space where you're kind of like here's the five-step plan to success.

Speaker 2:

Here's what this should look like, and I think we really lack that space in social media, because I think what quite often happens with this idea of, like you know, capturing your audience, getting your messaging clear, is that people become so kind of focused on like this is my audience, this is their problem, this is their problem, this is the solution.

Speaker 1:

This is how I will tell them to get from A to B. Yeah, and that is just not reality. No, like as a therapist.

Speaker 2:

I've never followed that plan because it's all about like helping someone to connect with themselves their worldviews, remove their barriers, because you know, and even that idea of like being yourself is quite a difficult thing because there's so many ways of coping that we've learned or self-limiting beliefs that we've learned that stop us from being our true self.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I think that's the kind of space that we hope to create is a space where you feel safe enough to kind of start exploring some of that figuring it out, figuring out what you want, figuring out what the barriers are for you and taking what you want from this Because I think that there are so many you know we can talk about, like the struggles with social media.

Speaker 2:

Of course there's challenges in it, but the beautiful thing with social media is it gives us access to so much information, and I know, when I worked in the community sector and was working really hard to remove barriers, that was one of the biggest things is like how do you link people with opportunities? How do you give people access to these tools that they need, and social media allows that. The challenge in it is, though, that you need to know yourself a little bit so that you are not taking someone else's story and following their steps.

Speaker 2:

You're listening to the story for inspiration and then, when it comes to the tools that you're looking for, you're looking to the people with the right knowledge and skillset for those particular tools that you need. So it is about knowing yourself enough to know, like, what you want to take away from something and what you kind of leave there. And people will do that with our podcast, right, They'll be listening and they'll go. Oh, that really resonates.

Speaker 2:

Like that's my experience or that's similar to what I'm going through. But I think where the problem lies is that sometimes we're looking for someone to go. Oh, that's exactly me.

Speaker 1:

And that's all the answers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is me in a nutshell. And I.

Speaker 2:

That's actually problematic because no one is you. In a nutshell, no one has the roadmap for your life. But you might find like there's tools and strategies that will help a lot of people, but it is again applying that to your worldview, to your experience, to what you want and what you need?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think that's the thing as well, isn't it? Everyone seems to think that there's this 90 day transformations or five day transformations. I used to get so annoyed about these. At the beginning of the year, like all, the PTs will be popping out with their weeks in January and it's just like. Oh, it's just so unrealistic because really and this is why we're called the lifestyle CEO it is about amending or updating or whatever improving your lifestyle, but it's a continuous thing, it's a continuous process and it's so fun in itself.

Speaker 2:

I think like it's not.

Speaker 1:

it's not like this destination we're trying to get to as quickly as possible, and then it's like, right, then we'll be happy forever. It's actually just when you start getting to know yourself so well and loving yourself unconditionally. I think that's the thing. It becomes this just like beautiful lifestyle where you're really like engaging with your intuition, trusting your gut whatever you want to call it and just when opportunities arise or you start feeling a certain way, you just know how to delve into yourself. So it's almost like this ongoing transformation. But it's not about reaching a destination, it's just about finding happiness and fulfillment within that season.

Speaker 2:

You know I'm thinking when you're saying that it's actually like a process of consistently tuning in because and I think that's like the kind of myth that we really want to dispel is that, as you said, that idea that you kind of arrive?

Speaker 1:

somewhere.

Speaker 2:

It's like arriving in Bali, like once you get here, that's not your life.

Speaker 1:

No, it's not like that. There's a rollercoaster going, everyone in.

Speaker 2:

Bali, like once you get here, that's not your life. There's a rollercoaster going. Everyone knows about the Bali rollercoaster when you move here. But, um, you know, it's an ongoing process of like redefining what your lifestyle, the lifestyle you want is and how you're going to achieve that.

Speaker 2:

It's a constant process of redefining success or whatever that may be for you in your language, because life is always changing, your needs are always changing. It might be changing because of a season, it might be changing because of the context, but it is always kind of like being present enough in yourself, and I think that's something we struggle with as a society. We can be so zoned out and switched off and shut down. It's really being present in yourself to know when opportunities arise. Is this something that I want to pursue or not?

Speaker 1:

does this?

Speaker 2:

and that's where that clarity is really important, because when you can come back to, how would that feel? How does that fit in with? The life that I'm trying to create and ask yourself all of those questions. It becomes much simpler when you're very clear on like what you want it to look like For sure. I think it can become very overwhelming when you're not, because there's infinite amount of opportunities and choices, and so it becomes harder to say no to things when you don't have that clarity.

Speaker 1:

And I think I mean it seems like the general theme is like um, we, we need to be checking in in relationships, in friendships, in ourselves, in work, in all of these things, just to keep it's not just a one and done like right, I've got this job now Great Check, done Bye. It's like, and I've got a boyfriend now, great Check. Done Bye, like yeah it's constantly evolving and I think we need to give ourselves the space.

Speaker 1:

You know it might be journaling, but I think actually it's really important having the face to face conversations as well, like with other people, or in women's groups, with a therapist, with your partner, whatever it looks like, maybe all of those things.

Speaker 1:

But I think giving yourself the space to just, yeah, take, dig, dig deep or listen in or whatever it may be, it's just so important. And I do think it takes practice Like I know when I get out of practice with journaling or whatever, I find it really hard to get back in. So I'm like, what do I actually want to ask, like what am I trying to understand here? And I think just having those sort of a bit of help that's why I guess therapy is so good, because it gives you a few prompts as well. But also just having these open conversations with whoever it is, just gets your mind ticking over a bit more and you can start thinking like, oh yeah, I hadn't thought about it like that, or whatever. But definitely just making space in life for check-ins, you know, maybe monthly, whatever you need really is is really important, I think it's so important.

Speaker 2:

I love the idea that you're talking about that connection and talking out loud about things because you know you're an intelligent person. The people listening are highly intelligent people. They know what they want yeah they've got it figured out. But it's just kind of verbalizing, yeah, and going through that process. Right, you don't need anyone to tell you what you want, you know deep down, but it's just. It's just the help to kind of get there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so I think we can constantly look to others for that, instead of seeing that actually what's missing is that I just need a space. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

To talk.

Speaker 2:

I need a space to kind of figure it out. I need space to talk it through, and I think that's so important. So we can get stuck kind of like really pursuing like I've got to do this course, I've got to learn this thing. We can get stuck in that process of like overlearning or like overlooking for the answers instead of, as you said, just making it really simple, coming back to checking in with yourself and checking in on the different areas of your life, either by yourself or, like with others and they may be two different steps, like sometimes you need to figure some things out for yourself and then yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure, amazing

Speaker 1:

yeah, yeah and I think definitely just as connection. I think is something as well I know as a mother. Like that really went down the bottom of my list when I first started and that she again maybe being in Bali is more. It becomes more important because our family's so far away, but it's like that has really helped me just feel better, understand more about myself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's really important if you're at home with kids. I think it's really important if you are in a career where you are doing for people or where you are leading people, so you don't have a lot of peers you know what I? Mean so you don't have those people that you're just kind of downloading with and at the same level. I think it's so important for everyone everywhere is that connection.

Speaker 2:

But what can happen is that we can get so overwhelmed like with kids, for example we can be touched out. Or we can get so overwhelmed like with kids, for example we can be touched out. Or we can get so overwhelmed because we, we think we have so much connection fulfilled in other areas of our life, like so say, you manage your really large team you're talking a lot. You're being with people a lot, but you're not having that connection, that's on that level where that person can be the same for you because there is this, like you know, not saying it's super hierarchical, but there is a hierarchy there right.

Speaker 2:

Because there is this, like you know, not saying it's super hierarchical, but there is a hierarchy there, right? Whereas, like you, need to have connection with people.

Speaker 1:

That are just able to kind of just like listen hold that space.

Speaker 2:

Bounce ideas back. You can be the same for them. That's very different to being a parent.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, being a partner? Yeah, being a partner. Being a leader, being a team leader? Yeah, all right, amazing. Yeah, right, amazing. Yeah, I think connection is really important, for sure. Yeah, definitely all right. Well, thank you guys for listening and we will see you again next week. Sounds good, thank you, bye. You're ready to create a life on your terms? Join us every week and make sure to like and subscribe to keep up to date with new episodes. All the links to keep in touch with us are in the bio.

People on this episode

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Christina Gough

Host
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Dr Katie Stirling

Host