The Lifestyle CEO

Finding Happiness Beyond the To-Do List

• Christina Gough & Dr Katie Stirling • Season 4 • Episode 9

Share episode

Send us a text

Join Katie and Christina as we juggle the chaos of our lives while tackling a topic that hits home for many women, the myth of multitasking. 

We admit to falling into the trap of cramming too much into tiny windows of time, despite knowing it’s a futile effort. Inspired by a mindfulness program infused with dialectic behaviour therapy, we explore how embracing a 'one task at a time' approach not only boosts productivity but also keeps stress at bay.

The episode takes a reflective turn as we question the cultural pressures that equate busyness with success, especially in the fast-paced world of agency life. 

Sharing personal anecdotes, we highlight the liberating shift from racing through to-do lists to savouring each moment, whether at work or home. 

Happiness isn’t a reward waiting at the end of a checklist but a choice to integrate joy into everyday life. Be it crafting a client's vision or stitching together Halloween costumes, we argue that the journey, not just the destination, holds the essence of a fulfilling life. 

Get ready to challenge the conventional chase of deferred happiness and explore what it truly means to live in the moment.

Website: www.lifestyleceo.co.uk
Instagram: @thelifestyleceo.podcast
Christina: @itschristinagough
Katie: @drkatiestarling
TikTok: @thelifestyleceo.podcast

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Lifestyle CEO, a community designed for women looking to take their life into their own hands and redefine what success looks like for them.

Speaker 2:

I'm Katie, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist. I'm passionate about connecting you with the tools you need to create the life and relationship you want.

Speaker 1:

And I'm Christina, a marketing and business expert who has built her life around giving herself and those around her the ability to choose what their lifestyle looks like for them Together.

Speaker 2:

we have created the podcast for women just like us who are looking to redefine what success looks like for them and enjoy a lifestyle that they love.

Speaker 1:

Hello. How are you? I'm good, how are you Very good? Thank you, finding these chairs really fun isn't it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm actually finding my legs are really long compared to yours. I'm like if I put it up here, is it too high so we're sitting on barstools in Christina's kitchen for the audio listeners, and we are very different heights.

Speaker 1:

Very different heights. Katie's the one I go to to reach high things in my cupboard. The cupboard is very high as well, but we are in the middle of a bit of a house reno. I guess you could say I mean not by choice.

Speaker 1:

To be honest, it was more that all my ceilings fell down because of Bali let's say, bali building, bali, rainy season, and then we just thought we'll just get it all done at the same time. So that's meant that our usual recording spot is currently covered in dust and stuff. So here we are it's all about flexibility. It's all about flexibility as we know, and keeping recording this podcast exactly which actually brings us nicely up to well, I think sorry, Sorry, I know, I know, I know Sorry.

Speaker 2:

So how do we segue?

Speaker 1:

Let's just segue by saying I think you say, yeah, you know, I was thinking about that the other day. I think that's it Okay. So, yeah, like obviously flexibility being a key thing, and I think it's tricky sometimes but you kind of have to get on with it, don't you?

Speaker 2:

And adapt. Tricky sometimes, but you kind of have to get on with it, don't you? And adapt. And I was thinking about that actually. Um, remember when we caught up last week when we did our other podcast and you chipped a nail, so that was a crisis let me tell you no, I'm just joking. Um no, you don't. But you had chipped a nail and we were sort of in that space. We were just trying to squeeze so much in.

Speaker 1:

So I left my mic somewhere yeah, not left it.

Speaker 2:

I put it somewhere safely, for because we've been away and I hadn't collected it. Yeah, so I needed to get my mic to my house, and then we're going to go from where we were at the cafe yeah, to my house, to your house yeah and then we're trying to coordinate, like squeezing it back to other things you know before, like.

Speaker 1:

This is about a 30 minute and it takes literally about 30 minutes.

Speaker 2:

So then we just decided okay like we just need to postpone an hour because we're all so hungry. We're trying to order food to get there in the right time. There's just so much going on, so I'm sure everyone listening to this can relate. Like it may not be a nail but it's that thing that you try and squeeze in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I know we both do this all the time.

Speaker 1:

I think it's a woman thing. It is a woman thing. I feel like we're trying to be as productive as possible, yes, but actually the things that we're choosing to try and squeeze in aren't actually productive. It's just like I definitely know. I feel like this nailing point. It's like if I have five minutes, or even like a 10, 20 minute window, I'm like right, what can?

Speaker 2:

I do in this window. It's wasted time otherwise.

Speaker 1:

And it's like, actually, it's probably not wasted time, is it? It's normal.

Speaker 1:

But I'm like, right, well, I've got a million things on my to-do list and actually I need to be able to chip them in and wherever I can. But actually when you look at what you're doing in that spare time, it's like the most ridiculous things that don't really need doing anyway. Hence why I no longer wear nails. So I'm just like it's just such a waste of time and I just think I mean, obviously that stuff's fine, yeah, but it's just like the busyness that we are obsessed with is sort of like what is the point of that?

Speaker 2:

and like why do we do that? Yeah, because we think we're being effective and we're not, it's kind of like multitasking right, so like we're trying to do 20 different things at once and I I dare say women do do this more.

Speaker 2:

I'm not 100% on the research, but I think it would probably be there, um, but you know, anecdotally, I think we could all agree that we all multitask, and one of the things that research does show is that multitasking is actually totally ineffective. So we have this idea that we can fit more in if we try and do more things at once, but the reality is that it's actually not true. And I struggle with it.

Speaker 1:

So I know that right.

Speaker 2:

Like I know, there's evidence to prove that.

Speaker 1:

But I'm like, no, that's not true. I even do the practice.

Speaker 2:

I'm still trying to do it. I'm always doing it.

Speaker 1:

And I did a recording of did a.

Speaker 2:

I was recording a program, actually a mindfulness program, which draws on a type of therapy called dialectic behavior therapy, dbt, and so there's three key mindfulness skills in that, and one of them is the how skill, and it's about being one mindful, so one mindfully living your life, which is all about the opposite of multitasking. And so, as part of that program, I obviously had to give an example, because it's you know, you want to give someone a practical example it makes sense to them.

Speaker 2:

So in that I had this practical example where you had to write out kind of like a sentence and then so you'd write the sentence out, like 10 times the first go and then the second go you'd write the sentence oh sorry, start again.

Speaker 1:

You'd write the sentence out the first go.

Speaker 2:

And then you'd write 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, down the bottom Right, the second turn. You would say you'd time it to see how long it takes. And then the second time, when you time it, you want to write 1, the first sentence, two, second sentence, three, and so, honestly, like everything I do, anything that I do in therapy, anything that I use online, I always do it myself.

Speaker 1:

You know, if it's relationships stuff me and Andy do it, but I always do it myself.

Speaker 2:

So I wanted to do this a few times. So I'm like, okay, I want to see this actually work. And it did so, like I kind of knew, intellectually. But for me personally, I know that I've struggled with the multitasking- yeah. And it definitely is more effective to do it One by one. One by one, yeah, so the first option, the second option. So yeah, because what we're trying to do is we're basically trying to, like, hold two tasks in mind.

Speaker 1:

So, just so you know, we all have one app in the computer and you have, like I don't know about you, but I always have like 20 tabs open.

Speaker 2:

And then times that by five different windows.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and the emails, and then the emails, and then the apps, and then all the things happening and so sometimes I'll like open that one thing and I'll open it up. So say, for example, I go to trello and I'll open it up and I'll be going there for one thing, and then I'll see a message from you on actual yeah and I'll be like oh, I'll quickly do that and I'll jump over there, and then I'll go back to my original yeah, and then when I go back to my original thing, and then when I go back to my original thing, I figure something else out.

Speaker 2:

So I go over there and I'm doing all these things, but it's like no, if I actually just focused on my task and didn't even open up like just ignored your notification. I would be more efficient and effective.

Speaker 1:

A hundred percent, and I noticed this a lot. Like my brain is like it's just programmed to find the most efficient route. So even if I'm doing stuff around the house, I'll be like, well, I need to do that first, because that would be the most efficient before I come downstairs. And then I need to do that, and it's just like the amount of time I spend calculating how and what order I should be doing oh my gosh, I'm not alone. And then it's like.

Speaker 2:

Well, I could have done about 18 tasks at the time, I've been mentally calculating what I should be doing and in what order, and it's also exhausting to look like that.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, it's so exhausting and it's the same kind of stuff. It's like, oh well, I should bring the children's clothes downstairs before I come down. But then I'm like, but then maybe I should start cooking their breakfast first, so that can be going to do it while I'm doing. And it's just like, just like, oh my God, and there's no right or wrong answer, but it's like I'm in a game with myself. How can I get this to make it?

Speaker 2:

efficient. We are kindred spirits. I feel like maybe everyone's feeling the same way. Listening to this because hearing that I'm like that is so me.

Speaker 1:

I waste so much time being so much time to be efficient and it's just so silly and I think it's like, but it's not. There's something in the way that we're just so programmed up.

Speaker 2:

We're to be thinking like it's almost like we're a bit hypervigilant for effectiveness and constantly trying to squeeze in as much as we possibly can. And as you said, it's even in the basic task.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Carrying something downstairs. I do the same thing. I'm like, okay, I need to go downstairs, so I should go to this room and get this thing and this thing and this thing, and then when I go downstairs I don't get that thing.

Speaker 1:

I should bring this thing and this thing and this thing and I think, like I worry because I think it's going to make my children like anxious or something, because I'm constantly like on the go and I feel like this, this need to be rushing or this need to be constantly like efficient is actually a really it's not a great thing to be having.

Speaker 2:

It's actually inefficient. It's quite inefficient and it's quite anxiety inducing.

Speaker 1:

It is I struggle now to really rest or to be non-productive, but I want to be able to have that time to be not productive. But it's not not productive because it's spending time with my children or whatever, but it's like even with stuff like that.

Speaker 2:

You're like oh well, we can be, you know, filling our time by something else productive, I don't know.

Speaker 1:

And it's like actually those, those moments of just being fully present, it's like play, isn't it like being playful, it's so important and actually I find like, say, you're on a holiday or you're, you've taken yourself away from the day-to-day necessities of life. That's when you feel able to rest and release and play and be present, and then you come back so much happier, so much more creative, so much more like. I guess just your brain feels a bit lighter, right. So it's sort of like we need to make space for that more in more, surely absolutely so.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think there's two things. There is when there's sort of like changing the narrative that we have around multitasking and effectiveness, um, and doing things more, one mindfully, so, doing things one at a time. And then also the second thing is like that we don't need to be in task mode all the time. Yeah, that we actually need to create space for playing creativity, and you know we talked about previously also that it's also in a work sense. So, like we need that play creativity space, which is separate, but in a work sense, we also just need actually not even just a work sense or license. We need space to reflect. Yeah, oh yeah, you know. And so when we constantly like filling out our schedule and trying to be so effective instead of just taking that five minutes to just think Be yeah, just be, you know.

Speaker 2:

Or just have that time to like kind of process that meeting that we just came out of or whatever just happened in our own lives emotionally, to sit with that emotion, yeah, before we move on to the next thing, and I love, this right.

Speaker 1:

I was talking to one of my clients about this the other day because I was saying, like from the world I'm in, which is like agency life, it's like deadlines and client expectations, and like the more efficient you are, the better your day is, and it's like we were brought up in this culture of like you know, if you're staying late, you're the winner, and if you've got loads to do, you're the winner, and if you're getting through loads of work, it doesn't matter if it's good or bad. And like that leads to this environment where you're making mistakes, you're rushing, you're not thinking strategically and actually like I was talking to one of my clients about this the other day.

Speaker 2:

So I was like, but you need to realize like not every minute allocated needs to be productive.

Speaker 1:

Like actually, the more strategic you are, the more time you need to give yourself to think and not feel like that time needs to be efficient and actually the more you allow yourself to do that, the better your results are in the end, because you've really done some research, you've really thought about a client project, you've really thought about you know whatever it is the project is and giving yourself time to execute it properly, rather than being like, okay, we've got to get all of this done and it's like same for you know, we were doing the halloween costumes with the kids and again, it could have.

Speaker 1:

This is obviously not saying it's working, but it's like just taking the time to do stuff like that rather than, you know, rush out to get hallow Halloween costumes, because it was like another tick on the list, like actually enjoying thinking about it. We planned it for ages and thinking about it and making it together and again the result was just so much more fulfilling because you've taken that time to think about it and I think it relates to any any kind of part of life.

Speaker 2:

if you really just give yourself some time to do it, then you'll end up happier with the result in the end, absolutely because you are present in the process of what you're talking about when you're not present in that process, like you're not actually experiencing the joy and it's just like another thing you've done, you move forward to the next thing, but you're not actually sitting in that joy of doing it with your kids. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And I love that actually, because I think we think this to-do list that we put in front of ourselves is leading us to something where we're going to feel fulfilled or happy or whatever we're looking for.

Speaker 1:

But you kind of look back like I was saying this the other day about the last couple of years where I have just been in this sort of cycle of like tick, tick, tick, tick and I'm like what have I actually got to show for that? Like I've not like moved forward much. But actually when I think about the moments where I did just sit with it and be present, and like they're the memories that I remember from the last few years and it's like actually what's on our to do list One we really need to think about, because I think there is this problem with busy for busy's sake and like, oh you, know we all say to ourselves, oh, I'm so busy.

Speaker 2:

Like, oh God, yeah, so tired.

Speaker 1:

It's just like it's like a badge of honor we're wearing it is. It's so annoying.

Speaker 2:

It's part of our society, isn't it? Yeah?

Speaker 1:

It's really ingrained and I think we really need to take a look at that and think is that actually what success looks? Like to us Like we're super busy.

Speaker 2:

But also, I think, you know, I think you raised some really good points there, like when you're talking about that to-do list, like I think that we get so stuck in that cycle, don't we, of like just focusing on like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Speaker 1:

And what you're talking about is really like it's not about the end, like there isn't actually an end.

Speaker 2:

You know, so the to-do list. So if you're so focused on, I'm going to feel happy when all of this is achieved. I'm going to be, you know, feel complete when I've done this. I'm going to feel successful when I have, like it's about you know. I know the journey word can be used overused but it is about it's not about the journey. It's actually about your life.

Speaker 1:

Your life is the journey.

Speaker 2:

It's actually about living and being present in that moment, and because that is what you're trying to achieve. Like you're trying to achieve joy in your everyday, or you're trying to achieve that. You're trying to achieve joy in your every day, or you're trying to feel, achieve that sense of accomplishment, your everyday. Whatever it is that you're trying to achieve. Yeah, but it's not something that we want to wait a month for it's something we want to feel in our everyday life.

Speaker 1:

yeah, I really like that, actually, because I do think we focus a lot on the goal rather than what's getting there, but but, as you say, like by the time you've actually achieved whatever this goal is, you've kind of missed the point of it, because it is way more enjoyable the journey of it rather than the end point, and I think we're just constantly Exactly.

Speaker 2:

And this is like, it's almost like we have this idea of this magical end point yeah, this kingdom that we're going to Like, where are we off? To guys either one. It's kind of like one little moment in time when we tick that last box, which is we're waiting a month to have that, that one hour window to enjoy, or like that idea, that which is totally unrealistic.

Speaker 2:

Then, when we reach a set point, our, our life just becomes magical yeah, exactly, but it's like this idea that, like, once I achieve this, this and this and this, then my life moving forward, it's the fairy tale, isn't it my? Life moving forward. The happy ending is now like it's.

Speaker 2:

It's sort of this idea that once we get there everything magically becomes beautiful and amazing and we won't have relationship issues. Yeah, no money issues no money issues, or we won't have people who come stick in our life, or things happen and that's just not reality and it's always going to have things like that, and I think it's just it's so interesting.

Speaker 1:

I do think people are really focused on finding this.

Speaker 1:

I mean I know, I am this end point and I don't even know what that end point is. It's just like I'm sort of striving towards something that doesn't really exist. But actually the moments where you do stop and think, okay, wow, I'm actually loving life yeah, and it is. Of course it takes some aligned action to like take steps towards the life you want. You know, it's like when we chose to move to Bali. Of course we had to make steps to get there and but actually enjoying the journey while we're getting there, rather than just being like, right, I'm in Bali now, great, we're done. And it's sort of like actually the process of moving here and finding the house, finding the school, like all of those tiny little moments, was so enjoyable as well. And I loved it when I first got to Bali because I was so present, because it is just, I mean, maybe Bali's like the magical kingdom we all thought it was but it's like I was so present, I was so excited because it was a big goal ticked up.

Speaker 1:

Okay so, but I think, using that as an example, actually you can find those moments in every day where you can be proud and present and happy.

Speaker 2:

I think, too, something that I've learned being here that translates back to everywhere, wherever you live is that sometimes here there's certain things that kind of force you to be present.

Speaker 2:

So, for example, like whether you are driving or whether you're a passenger. So say, for example, a lot of people ride bikes, I don't because I'm too scared. Example like whether you are driving or whether you're a passenger yeah, like. So if you say, for example, I buy a lot of people ride bikes, yeah, I don't because I'm too scared, but I got the back of one and so when I'm on the back of a bike, there's not really anything you can do besides listen to music or just like you know, just be really present, so I love that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I decided not to ride a bike. Just like, just sit back and be present, yeah, that present, and you have to get around so you're doing that quite often, and the other thing is, even if you are driving is that it is so busy and so hectic and so full on that you also need to be really present.

Speaker 2:

So I think there's things sometimes in your life that force you to be more present in a moment, and maybe that can be as simple as like literally removing all the distractions yeah so like not having the phone or like you know, and I think, sometimes like it can be really hard to find that space, um in your workplace or in your home where there's distractions. So you know, even if it's just like, if you live by nature, going out, leaving the phone at home and just like sitting on the beach for like 20 minutes, and actually there's one that people talk about like in the shower, like actually having like a mindful shower.

Speaker 1:

Obviously you don't have your phone in the shower and it's like, and I do find them quite meditative, if I can have like an everything shower, not even that, just a, just a, you know, it's just five minutes of just pure, of pure meditative thinking, right, you don't really have much else to do in there and it is very relaxing or a bath, but then I tend to watch that yeah, um, and I think it's really is like the action that we need to take in our lives is just to create those spaces where that mindfulness is built in, because I think the reality is like we all get sucked back yeah, into the business of life, we get sucked back into the to-do list, and so it's first just like creating those spaces that force us to be a little bit more present yeah, then it's like but then does that make mindfulness another thing on our to-do list?

Speaker 2:

no, but that's what I'm saying is like I don't I like for sure you can go and, like, do a mindfulness activity or you can do meditation or you can do those things that they're amazing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you can do that, fantastic.

Speaker 2:

But I guess what I'm more trying to say is that, like, not everyone can find those spaces like where they're at right now. So the way they're sitting out right now with it, where their head is so overwhelmed, where they're feeling like there's just not five minutes in my day to do that like choose things that you already do.

Speaker 2:

So choose things like whether it's the shower or whether it's, um, you know, maybe getting out of the car five minutes, parking somewhere five minutes, uh, away from work and walking that last five minutes, or whatever it is that you can just build into the everyday.

Speaker 2:

It's not adding like a big number yeah, yeah, yeah because then that forces you to be present and then just reminds you a little bit about the importance of that, and then to yes, like it is trying to unlearn some of these ideas that we have around effectiveness because I think we do live in a society where there are so many messages about high productivity and you need to do this, that, etc. You need to achieve this to be successful. This is what success looks like, so it is trying to shift that and trying to shift the way that you approach, like the day-to-day tasks as we talked about the to-do list but also your ideas around the end goal and how you enjoy that process.

Speaker 2:

Definitely Nice.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm going to really try that, I think.

Speaker 2:

I think then too, I really going to really try that. I think Me too I really need to.

Speaker 1:

I get caught in it too. We all do. And it's this big time of year everyone gets, obviously Christmas. If you're a mum especially, it can become very overwhelming, but it's like everyone's very focused on ending the year on a high and starting the next year with success and it can become super overwhelming.

Speaker 2:

Great discussion. I really loved it and I think, think you know, even for myself like it's just such an important reminder to be more present and to shift the way that we you not only the to-do list, but you know how we want to work towards our goals.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure, great episode, thank you see you next time, bye, bye. You're ready to create a life on your terms. Join us every week and make sure to like and subscribe to keep up to date with new episodes. All the links to keep in touch with us are in the bio.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Christina Gough

Host
Head Shot

Dr Katie Stirling

Host